BINGES BUILD A BEING, SEPARATE FROM SELF © [CHAPTER THREE]

She sought out food, food, and more food. She was not hungry; well, she was, though not for food. She needed to fill the void, and yet if she felt full, she needed to eliminate that sensation. Her stomach must feel as empty as her being felt; the two needed to be in balance, an empty mind, and an empty body felt best. The eating was not eating it was as breathing. She inhaled her food, quickly, only to throw it all up just as quickly. When she did as she was doing, she felt nothing, and that was good! She thought nothing, well; at least she thought nothing of what she was doing. That was true for a time, though, not true too. She, while engaging in the deed was somewhat separate from herself. She was there and, yet, she was not.

She planned for the process and yet she did not. She imagined what she would eat, and yet she did not. She heard the cautions for what she was doing and for the consequences that these actions would bring, and yet, she did not. It all began and progressed so innocently; it seemed so insignificant; yet it consumed her. Consuming was her cycle. Consuming food, being consumed by food, with food, and in truth, it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with food; it had to do with feeling full, yet feeling empty. More honestly, it had to do with the fear of feeling full and for the sadness of feeling empty. She did not fear or feel sadness for what was in, or not in her stomach.

Chapter Three in a Series